I have a very good friend named Bill, who among other things has a talent for computer programming and a unique sense of humor. At times he needs both attributes to put up with me, for I've spent the greater part of my life as a "head-case" -- someone I would describe as living in and through his conscious, rational mind and who has little feeling for things of the heart,

 

People like Bill, who understand the workings of computers, make excellent friends for people such as I. For people who have spent most of their life "Being In The Self" (BITS) think using a fragmentary , bits and pieces, linear search process that strongly resembles that of a computer. Given the rather limited processing capability of man's intellect when used in this inefficient manner, it is no wonder that machines designed to do man's thinking have become so popular.

 

But before I speak more of Bill or present that which I really wish to share, a little bit more on my background. It really wasn't as if I had chosen to live in this manner. It was just that I had never experienced any other way of relating to my surroundings -- those around me, the world in general and, for that matter, everything "other" than than that which my ego perceived "itself" to be. Oh sure, I had heard about love, beauty and other such things. Yes, I understood them intellectually, but as with most things of the heart they really can't be known, they have to be felt.

 

I did have one thing going for me though. With all that thinking, and you can do a lot of it in 32 years if you spend nearly every waking moment doing it, I did develop a considerable passion for the "truth". You know the questions. What's it all about? Are we here for a reason? Is it supposed to make sense or is it all nonsense? Is it just a game or is it serious? Is it a joke or is it life and death? Was it created or was it just an accident. I suppose most people, with the theologians, philosophers, and others like myself, give up such questions with the passing of youth and full acceptance of adult responsibility. However, for some reason or another I never really quite did.

 

Well, this so called quest for the truth of mine spanned nearly 10 years. It all started with Edgar Cayce in 1968. Cayce, otherwise known as the "sleeping profit", intrigued me because his medical readings were proven effective in curing cases which doctors had given up on as incurable in something like 80% of the cases. Statistics such as these had considerable appeal because I reasoned that if he was right in one area, he was probably right in others, and what he was saying in others was literally mind-boggling. Well, after going through about 10 of his books, I was off and running.

 

The self-help books came next: psycho-cybernetics, self-hypnosis, psychic self-improvement, the magic of believing and transactional analysis, to name just a few. Given the current popularity of such books, I would suggest that this is probably the stage most people are today. Their popularity, at least in my case, stemmed from a generalized feeling of emptiness dissatisfaction with the ways things were going in my life. The solution, I reasoned, would be to change myself and somebodies self-improvement method might just do the trick. Unfortunately, I found the positive effects of such methods short lived, as there was a definite tendency to revert to form under stress.

 

Next came all the books on eastern religions and philosophies, to include: Hinduism, Buddhism and their associated scriptures. I was also an avid reader of the various methods of enlightenment associated with each, such as the various types of yoga, meditation and Zen.

 

From there I went to Krishnamurti, whose technique can best be classified as self-knowledge; to Ospensky and Gurdeiff, who advocated self-remembering; and then to Alan Watts, who might be best described as an expert in teaching intellectual yoga. This last endeavor involved at least 10 books and 45 hours of lecture tapes. After these philosophies came various types of Christian mysticism, followed by metaphysical devotionals and, finally, the Bible. I should also note that interspersed throughout my readings were numerous books purporting to describe new models of the universe.

 

You name it and I've probably read it. But, with the exception of a little meditation and yoga during the past year, I never really got involved with specific method and techniques, apart from general study and meditation. I understood the theories and ideas I had read intellectually, but I still didn't feel them, and until you do you don't really see, and I didn't, at least until several weeks ago.

 

Which all brings me back to Bill, his sense of humor, and the real meat of what I wish to share with you. Being a very good friend, Bill had the good grace, if not the soundest judgement, to act as a sounding board for my latest ideas and thoughts. He, and several other close friends, provided the opportunity for me to externalize my thinking, test its validity,and confirm its soundness.

 

Three days ago he provided the following statistical analysis, an analysis which purporting to describe our relationship during the preceding two years. The comment and analysis which accompanies Bill's was a spontaneous response on my part, and I would not describe it as having come from any "self-conscious" mode of thought I had previously experienced. I make no claim as to whether it is good or bad, right or wrong, or any judgement as to its value. I do hope it may offer some insight into a different way of relating to that which we see as other than ourselves.

 

Copyright, R F.Hay, 1978